How to...Deal with Disappointment

I’ve hesitated over writing about disappointment, certainly as a glib seeming ‘How-To’ guide. However, here at theMediaNet we want to be about encouragement, inspiration, challenge and community- and you don't have real community unless you sometimes talk about the hard stuff.

In some ways disappointment is a dirty word in the church. How can we be disappointed if God is for us not against us, working all things for our good, changing us from glory to glory? This must, surely, be the plan, and therefore disappointment can often feel like ingratitude. It has echoes of that sick feeling on Christmas morning when you open a present that your parents have clearly saved for or slaved over, but just isn’t right. You so want to be ok, but you’re not. 

I have experienced this feeling a few times and carry some bruises-personal plans that haven’t worked out, a feeling of loss when the road turns unexpectedly. More importantly, as I speak with you, it is the sub- plot in many of the stories you are telling. What many of us share is a sense, however vague, of calling to this industry. A need to communicate and to engage and a hunch that this is what we were designed for. However, there are many of us who don’t now know what to do with that hunch. Some are recent graduates or school leavers, who began knocking at the gates with such expectation, but still stand there with knuckles bleeding as those gates refuse to swing open. Many are further down the road and have found the job market contracting so rapidly that they’ve ended up outside, or are at least claustrophobically squeezed. Whether through redundancy, rejection or just feeling stuck, there’s a lot of career disappointment around.  As members of the body of Christ we need to be being honest about it as part of our concern for each other. These are some (unoriginal) thoughts that I offer tentatively, in full knowledge that easy platitudes only cause more harm. I pray that God uses them.

Take it to God

Depending on your church tradition this will be more or less obvious. God can handle our disappointment, even our rage. He is not (unlike some members of our churches) offended by our discontent. The psalms can be useful for praying this through- check out Psalm 109 or 44. These psalms, like many other parts of the bible are about lament, something that is an integral part of our lives, liturgy and worship. Write it, yell it, whisper it, but don’t avoid God because of it.

Take it to Others

Again, depending on who you have around you, you may already be doing this. Seek out real friends who know you and who aren’t going to dismiss your bruises. This network is perhaps a place to find people who will understand more than most- come along to the gatherings in September, and/or be brave and email someone about going for coffee. You can contact them directly through their profile. As always, we are better, together.

Ask the Right Question

Tempting as it is, there really is little point in asking ‘Why, God?’.You may be able to look back later and see it all make sense, or you may not. If it burns in your soul, ask it, but expect, like Job, an encounter rather than an answer. Instead, if you can, ask ‘What now?’ It isn’t easy, especially when you feel beaten down, but the hope of a new day, new plans, new mercies can motivate us to stand up again. There are other people with dreams you can join with and oppurtunities hidden everywhere. The road ahead is narrow, and yes, bumpy- but in ‘real time’ it is short, and it leads home.

If you’re dealing with disappointment we’d love to be praying for you, please send an email (that will be kept confidential) to liz@themedianet.org.